Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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