Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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