Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
someone owes me an orgasm
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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