If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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