Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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