Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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