whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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