Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
