No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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