Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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