Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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