Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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