Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
