I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
