sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize