You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
