So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
