Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
