we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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