She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
