If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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