from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
