so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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