If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."