I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.