Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample