You just made me feel so damn special
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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