Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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