Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I won the penis lottery.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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