Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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