Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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