goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
