I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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