Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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