wat bout pragnant strippers??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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