No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
