So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
