its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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