after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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