You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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