Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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