I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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