if i can run in heels then i can drive
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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