I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.