he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?