Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water