You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.