I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.