I'm really into asian looking animals
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
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I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!