Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
