Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.