you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister