what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants