Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?