We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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