And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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