More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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