You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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