i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize