I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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