I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
