Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Houston, we have a squirter
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
